the incident at the water

That Pain came rushing in like the water from a broken dam. Only I didn't know the dam was going to break. A moment ago I was still and safe. Now, not even a second later, I am submerged in infinite Water. It has taken me as it's prisoner. All I can do is hold my breath and let The Water take me where it may and hope that I am still breathing when, or if, I make it to the surface. As I finally get the air back into my tired lungs I look for The Shore. As the Water clears from my eyes I search for The Shore. But I can't find it. The Shore is nowhere in sight. I know it's there. Somewhere. It must be. I just can't see it. Floating around me are the fragments of my former existence. A settlement I can never piece back together. It is gone FOREVER. The Water took it away. I see The Sun setting on me. My thoughts swim in it's final rays. Hoping that it will rise again to help me find The Shore. "Am I the only survivor? Is this surviving? Can I survive?" I am undone. I spread my arms and float. "Please don't leave me stranded here." I say to The Sun. All I can hope for is hope. But it all vanishes as The Sun sets. I begin wishing I could have made the days passed count for something more but knowing that I can't. I only have the memories. I can't change those. I can't make more. I can't make more memories. It sinks into my heart that I cannot make more memories. Helplessness comes. Desperation reaches my heart as I try to find my way in The Darkness. "Take me instead!" I plead to The Sun that has vanished. "Why did You pull my head out of The Water? To leave me in The Darkness? Why? Why leave me here? Consume me!!! ...consume me..." I think about what has taken place. How The Water enveloped my entire being. The thought of it takes the air from my lungs. I realize I have nothing. I gasp for air as I swallow my pride. I feel helpless. I am Helpless. I see something on the horizon. A ray of the Sun I'd thought I'd lost forever. The Sun is rising. I see The Shore. I swim with the last bit of energy I have. I make it to The Shore. I lay there exasperated. I am exhausted.

As I think back on the incident at The Water I find myself right back in The Water again. Just the thought of it brings me back. Helplessly, hopelessly, lost and alone. Buried from head to toe in what seems like infinite pain. My lungs collapse at just the thought. It swallows me in. Like the tearing of the bandage for an unhealed wound. Every time I think of the incident I get that feeling deep in my chest. That same feeling I had the moment I realized that all was lost. I feel humiliated, lost, broken in pieces.

i may never mend. i don't think i want to. but i will move.

these are the open wounds that i carry.