that said... with the daily grind over the past few months it's got me wondering "is there something more for me?" and obviously there is... I know there is... but where? where do i connect? when and where do i find where I am "supposed" to be? Now I don't believe in the predestination business or that God's will for my future is this specific black and white thing... I believe that God can and will use us wherever we are if we are open to it...
I wouldn't say I feel "out of touch" with God... I just feel like maybe He's been putting more into it than I have... And I recognize that I need to step it up... And I'm not even saying that "it's all about giving back to God and that works = salvation... I guess I am just saying that in any relationship it's got to be equal give and take... and lately, i've been taking a lot... I feel kinda greedy... and I know that I can never give to Him as much as He has given to me... But I know I can give more...
so what does that mean? what does giving more look like? I know what it used to mean and look like... I used to put in hours upon hours at church... but honestly I am sick of church... but I would still do it if the circumstances were right... there are zero churches that come close to what I am looking for when it comes to a church environment within a 15 mile radius of where i live... I love the church I go to but it's 35-40 minutes away... and it's just hard to build community when you are that far away... and I realize that distance is just an excuse... it's shouldn't matter... but it does... plus there's a little voice in my head that says... "if i am trying to be eco-friendly and save money... 1 hour and 20 minutes is a long time in the car..."
so that's my rant...
there's something more... i know there is... I just don't know where it is...
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