i just finished David Crowder and Mike Hogan's book on death. (Everybody Wants to go to Heaven, but Nobody wants to die). It feels kinda weird that I am kinda sad that i'm done with it... i really didn't want it to end. Is it weird that i am mourning the end of a book about death? I strongly encourage anyone who has suffered the untimely loss of a loved one to read it. It won't erase the pain, but it will remind you that you aren't alone... for some reason this book makes me want to sing... not like a joyful song... not the the type of some you think of when someone says "i feel like singing". but a meaningful song.
i can remember on my second trip to mexico, we got to the humble house that we were staying. And it was late at night and pouring down rain and the electricity was out. There really wasn't much we could do. So I grabbed my guitar and headed for the front porch. And I just started singing and playing. Some of my friends gathered around, and joined in the songs with me. We just sang because we could. and we meant it.
It's funny how death works. I guess funny isn't really the right word to use. Death is not really a funny thing at all. I guess I just find it interesting how sometimes it takes a death of a loved one for us to realize how small we really are. By "small", I guess I mean, how little we are actually in control of. Sometimes it takes us losing someone that we didn't think we'd lose, (at least not this soon, or this way) for us to really put things into perspective. I'm not say that that is the purpose for that person leaving us. I don't think that at all. I'm not really even sure that there is a "purpose" for losing someone. I think it's kind of self-centered to think that our gaining some sort of knowledge or wisdom is the "reason" for someone's passing. I have to admit that I've felt that before. That there must be an answer to the question of "why?". But somehow I just don't think it's that simple. or difficult. Maybe it just happens. I don't know. I don't really confess to have this whole "living/death/afterdeath" thing figured out. And when I say "afterdeath" I don't mean what happens to me after I die. But what happens to me after someone I love dies? The whole "where do i go from here?" question. what is the proper response to death? how long do i mourn? what if i can't let go? then what? what if i don't ever want to let go?
do you remember that part in forrest gump when jenny and forrest are in the field and jenny starts praying "Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here." And she just keeps repeating it over and over again? Sometimes I feel like that.
I wanna sing Amazing Grace. And I wanna pour my heart into it. I wanna mean the words I sing. That's the kinda song that I wanna sing. One that I can connect with. I wish I could pen the eloquent words for the modern day "It is Well". How do you find words to express something that almost every human being has felt or will feel?
Some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away.
When the shadows of this life have gone, I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown, I'll fly away.
Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end, I'll fly away.
I'll fly away, Oh Glory I'll fly away;
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by, I'll fly away.
-Albert E. Brumley
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